**DISCLAIMER: if you start reading this…finish it. for my sake, please.**

these past few months i’ve noticed that i’ve found a new favorite idea. it keeps slyly insinuating its way into my conversations, my writing, my thoughts — subtly shaping my perception. it’s the idea of egalitarism, elitism — the idea that i am better than some people.

allow me to explain. i do believe that. i do believe that i am, on a whole, better than some people (most people, in fact!). but before you decide to leave me a scathing comment as to why i am a horrible person, and that even if anyone does deserve to be classifed as a “better” person, i am the very least qualified candidate for the job — hear me out.

for starters, i don’t believe that i am better than all people, i fully acknowledge that there are people up there on the pedestal with me — they are my friends. i also freely admit that there are people in far loftier positions than me — and i admire and attempt to emulate them constantly, even as i resent them bitterly. but there definitely are people i consider to be the dregs of society and a large number of people whom i regard as little better than faceless drones who make the world run so that i and my other elitist friends are able to carry out our lives doing important, necessary, integral tasks.

it’s lonely up at the top, but i wouldn’t trade it for anything. quality company is far better than having masses of friends. and if i need to — i can always compliment an acquaintance a bit, brush the worst of the incompetence off of them and overlook the rest until i no longer have a need for them.

perhaps you think that constitutes using people? well, i’m okay with that too. i’ll use you, you use me. just don’t be friends with me and then use me, that’s abuse. i don’t mind being used! i don’t mind it if you’re nice to me so that i will edit your essay. i don’t mind if you call me up and pretend you want to hang out, just so you can play pool in my basement. i don’t mind if you butter me up because i have a hot friend or you want to date my brother. really, it’s okay. people are useful! i’m useful! it doesn’t make sense to be friends with everyone you meet, why waste your energy on a frienship that is bounded by incompability when you could be expending that effort on a relationship that has a future? have a wide circle of acquaintances who can serve some purpose for you. use them! don’t be malicious about it and don’t give them a false sense of importance, but by all means, don’t let an opportunity pass you by due to guilt over utlizing a person! however do not use a friend. not a close friend, not  ever. to do that is….well it’s a bad idea. when you are friends with someone your bond transcends mere usefulness, you identify that person as someone who you feel is “worthy” of your time and efforts and to alienate them is a display of poor judgement. plus befriending someone mamimizes their helpful potential, i would do anything for my friends, even grant requests they can’t conceive of. i’m actively seeking to make their lives easier, better, happier. that’s much more than any acquaintance would get out of me! make few friends, treat them well, keep them close — that’s the golden rule. you are too precious of a resource (well, i’m sure someone thinks so!) to waste senselessly. there isn’t enough of you to go around, share wisely!

i think that everyone, at heart is an elitist. to me — the people i believe to be the pinnacle of humanity posses those qualities i admire. maturity, intelligence, wit, self actualization, ambition, and success among other things. but i realize that those are merely the things i prize, and that others may define “good” people by other attributes and characteristics. someone may regard me as one of the dregs of society because they may value spontaneity, beauty, the ability to just “have a good time, and athleticism. to them, that could very well be the definition of the “ideal” person. and i don’t mind that. i don’t mind that they think i’m not as good of a person as they are.

not everyone will think i am cool, not everyone will like me — and i’m okay with that because that knowledge is tempered by the fact that i don’t like most people — why should they like me? i don’t want to like most people, and what’s more, i don’t want to be liked by most people! i don’t want to be liked by beer swilling jocks, or bodacious blonde bimbos, nor by sleazebag politicians or serial killers! i don’t want to be recognized by those people as one of their own! no thank you! please, please (i’m begging you) please hate me! please reject me! please do not accept me into your fold!

elitism is individualized and it’s not always accepted or blatantly displayed as it is in me, but it’s present in every person’s psyche. we may respect other’s choices, but that doesn’t mean we respect them as much as would respect choices more similar to ours. we may not dislike anyone, or hate anyone but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people we like more than others merely because, by our own definition of “cool” – they are more desireable to us.

so go forth, embrace your elitism. hate some people, love others — for no reason other than what they are. just remember, everyone else is doing it too.