nota bene: you know you’re cool when you’re quoted in someone else’s xanga! 😉
“cause ever since i tried, trying not to find every little meaning in my life it’s been fine, i’ve been cool with my new golden rule. numb is the new deep”
baggage check: this summer has been a strange sort of three months. normally everyone talks about the summer after senior year as being a time that strong friendships crystalize and people decide which of their friends they are going to take with them to college, which people they will hang onto, which people are going to be definitive presences in their lives even as they move on beyond high school, beyond naperville, and beyond the person they were for the past four years.
i didn’t really have much to crystalize, so i suppose that it doesn’t come as a suprise that my summer hasn’t followed the above pattern. (then again, when have i ever done anything in a typical fashion anyway…i seem to eschew normalcy for the obscenely ridiculous).
i’ve always looked for things that were meaningful, people that were stable, i’m always in search of roots and permanence — i frown upon superficial relationships and acquaintances. i’ve never really just kicked back and allowed myself to enjoy the company of people without worrying about whether i’d still be talking to them in a year or whether we really had a good foundation for our friendship. i’ve never just cut loose and hung out. i’ve never partied.
this summer has been all about discovering old friends and new ones too — the grad parties, with their random mix of people, have been amazing mixers. not only am i rediscovering friends i had freshman year, i’m finally meeting the members of my class, and i’m meeting friends of friends as well. there’s the seemingly endless parade of people trudging through my days, my nights, and to be honest: my basement. my phone is always ringing, and there’s always something (or someone 😉 ) to do — and the cool thing is, i’m an equal opportunity employer, this time, no one is more important than anyone else, no one is more missable, no one demands more effort, i’m not waiting for any one person’s call.
my girlfriends and i designated the motto of the summer to be: “he’s flingable”… but that stretches well beyond the summer crushes and the random hook ups — it’s a philosophy. it’s all about embracing surface friendships and just having a good time. no overthinking. no psycho analysis necessary. no pesky thoughts about fulfillment or wondering whether both parties are equally invested in the relationship (because no one is). no trust to maintain, no relationships to work at. it’s all just a fling. and goddamn is it fun, i can’t believe what i’ve been missing.
i think, that for the most part, when the summer heat begins to fade — so will many of the friendships i’ve made these past few months. and this is the first time in forever that i know that as fun as a time period has been and continues to be — i won’t be sitting around missing it months, or years from now. and that knowledge that is colossally exhilarating. i packed lightly this time — no baggage.
maybe for everyone else, this is their last fling…but it’s my first and it’s so painless that i’m beginning to forget why it would be such a bad idea to make it first of many. . .