secret keeper: one who conceals information about a certain person from everyone else. the secret keeper is imperative for the “hidden” person’s survival. in a sense, they contain and, thus, conceal the person from the world. (definition partially courtesy of

in harry potter, there are these things called secret keepers. they aren’t ever too clearly defined, but the basic idea is that you entrust one person with your “truths”.  and that this person (although it is possible to have multiple ones) becomes almost necessary in order to ensure your survival.

i don’t necessarily believe in the idea of a secret keeper, but i do identify with the idea of entrusting your “truths” to another person, or people. but, allow me to digress for a moment, for there is something that drives my desire for a secret keeper, and perhaps it is that driving force that should be examined first. . .

everyone has friends that bring out different parts of their personalities, we all do a large amount of “posturing” when we are surrounded by people. i have friends from all the various parts of my life. friends from golf, friends from debate, friends from speech, from leadership conventions, friends from summer school, friends from naperville … and the list continues on. and then, those friends are all different too, i have friends who i can be nerdy with, friends who i can party with, friends who i can stare at hot guys with, and friends who i can have philosophical discussions with, and for the most part, i’m a different person around each of them. i’m not duplicitious, i’m merely multifaceted.

it’s only human nature to play up the commonalities that exist between you and a friend when you are in their company. you wouldn’t want to talk to someone about your new understanding of the quantum theory when they’ve just finished gushing about how adorable ashton kutcher is. . .it’s just not prudent.

but after a time, this constant preening and self evaluation and biting of my tongue gets to be, simply, too tiring. i find myself needing to spend time with a friend, around whom, i can merely say whatever i want. with whom i do not have to measure my words or weigh my intentions, nor second guess myself. a person whose affection i am sure of, and whose admiration i have long since ceased trying to win. i need someone who knows every facet of me — and who accepts them all, even if they may not love them all.

those types of friends are what i consider my secret keepers. and the knowledge that there are people out there who know me, in my entirety, is the only thing that keeps me sane when the contrived nature of the majority of my relationships starts to bother me. i can’t imagine how i would exist without them. if i was forced to, i think that my core, the part of me that remains untouched by social conventions, tactful behavior, insecurities and polticial correctness — would start to erode. i would feel, as if i was all conjecture.

i think that if i didn’t share my essence with someone else, i would, at times, begin to doubt it even existed.

i have a friend, however, whom apparently doesn’t have any secret keepers in his life; and it is this knowledge that has prompted my sudden exploration of this topic. perhaps i am alone in my need for “true” relationships? am i the only one who becomes disgruntled with the amount of falsity, double speak, gossip, back stabbing and posing that goes on in the day to day friendships that sustain us? (and i don’t think that i’m the only one for whom such duplicity exists). 

*thoughts?!?!* let’s hear them!


3 thoughts on “

  1. I really don’t understand how a person could deal with no one really knowing them. Or not being very close to anyone. We were talking about this earlier, and I’m still puzzled by how that’s even possible. chutzpah*Anne


  2. Thank you Serena for allowing me to repost your Aug 3rd commentary and for helping me to do that link thing for the page.  Your great!
    As to your comments here, what are we but social creatures that need to find some level of acceptance in the world that we make.  Some of these social contacts are delusional, some are artificial, and some are selfish, while others are real. 
    ” … someone who knows every facet of me — and who accepts them all, even if they may not love them all.”
    I identify with this sentiment the most.  I have other thoughts but I think I rambled on enough.  thank you again Dewdropdreamer, Serena, for your kindness.


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