so let’s say you have a cut on your knee. okay? and you’ve put a bandaid over it. and the band aid is starting to fray at the corners. what do you do? do you yank the thing off? subjecting yourself to blinding pain when you rip some of the skin off, and making your cut sting as it is exposed to fresh air? or, do you take it off slowly? experiencing little bursts of pain over a long period of time but milking all of the comfort out of the bandaid, protecting your tender skin from the harsh air for precious seconds longer? which is better? which do you choose? what do you do?

when best friends go off to college and separate, the dwindling of the friendship is inevitable, or at the very least — a significant change in its tempo is. what do you do? do you accept the situation for what it is? do you say goodbye properly and then part ways until christmas or thanksgiving break, when you will meet again as friends from another lifetime? or, do you make an effort during the school year, subject yourself to awkward phone conversations and terse emails which attempt to contextualize the events and emotions of a life you are completely removed from? isn’t that a degradation to your friendship? those half hearted exchanges? isn’t it better to just cut ties and preserve the beauty of the memory rather than sully it with the ugliness of the present?

or when you’re putting significantly more into a friendship than you’re getting out of it, what do you do? is it better to settle for scraps of affection thrown your way? to allow yourself to be content with less than you deserve? do you just sit around and wait, in hopes, that things will eventually change? or do you cut ties, move on and forget?

at first glance, the dilemma seems non existent. one should never settle for less than what they deserve in a friendship. and one should never try to prolong a friendship something that has run it’s course. but what if, those logical choices don’t make you happy? what if you realize that you are sabotaging yourself, but you cannot quite quell your addiction to those things which are harmful for you? what then?

because it is much easier said than done to cut ties. in a friendship that is changed by distance and aging, one derives some sort of perverse pleasure from any lingering connection, regardless of how superfluous it might be. and in a friendship that is unequal, to the person who receives less, something seems so much a better alternative than the nothing that would result if they were to end the relationship. this perverse sense of pleasure is the same one that compells us to google our ex boyfriends or to look at their class schedule and locker partner for the coming school year and do nothing with that information; it’s the same one that seduces us into attending the birthday parties of old best friends even with the overly diminished status of a mere acquaintance; it’s the same one that persuades us to drive the long way home to pass an old boyfriend’s house — it’s the cause of many nonsensical activies. perhaps we are merely afraid of the unknown, of being alone, of starting anew… or perhaps that compulsion is our subconscious’ way of telling us that we’ve found something real and that we just need to hold on a bit longer.

so what do you do? do you yank the bandaid off? do you pry it slowly from your hurt? or, possibly, just possibly: do you leave it there, to be snagged by everything it brushes against–bringing fresh waves of pain every time it does, in hopes that it won’t fall off at all? what do you do, if pain is inevitable with every choice? what do you do?

as a sidebar, i realized, that i too, wanted to be able to post random things that happen in my life and survey results etc on my xanga…but they didn’t exactly fit in here…so i made another blog, just for them 😉 lol. click. click.

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6 thoughts on “

  1. Being a packrat, I would definitely leave the bandaid on.  See how long you could keep it there.  Like a waldameer band on your wrist, that reminds you of the day of your first kiss.  So what if it’s tattered and torn…it becomes a part of you.  And if it falls off it’s meant to.  Surely you wouldn’t try to glue a bandaid back on…maybe by then the wounds would be barable?

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  2. I agree… I tend to enjoy the glue that heals your skin without showing, like nuskin. YOu never even have to worry about anything geting in it- it is bound so tightly into your skin. It helps you heal, grow, and if the cut is deep enough, you get a scar. The scar will always be there, and I say unless you want to go to the extremes and get plastic surgery, enjoy it while its there. A person has few true scars, and those that mean the most, they will stay. When you have a true friend, it doesnt even seem like the band-aid is there… effort is clear.

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  3. Who is to say that maintaining a friendship despite physical distances is “sullying” the bond with “the ugliness that is the present.”  True friendships can outlast anything, and if you simply give up, you’ll never know what could have been.  Besides, it’s not true that being away from someone leads to the fracture of a friendship…As they say, and as I have personally experienced to be true…
    Abscence makes the heart grow fonder…
    -AL

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  4. haha describing anything as “sullying” is just wrong.
    And if you don’t post a picture on your xanga, everyone will assume you’re ugly.  You’re not, so you should show one.
    –Dan

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  5. Absence is to love (or friendship in this case) as wind is to fire-it fans the great and extinguishes the small. If you care enough for a person then you will do all that is within your power to maintain that relationship, whatever means that are necessary. Which perhaps is a brief, or “terse”, email that just says ‘i havent forgotten about you.’ And if indeed you mean as much to them as they to you then they shall reciprocate those actions. and if they do not, then cut ’em loose and move on.

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