i think we’re all self destructive at heart.
i always say that we can’t put our happiness in other people’s hands, that we cannot allow others to make us happy — that happiness is a personal decision, a conscious choice that we make every single minute of every single day. and now that i think about it, the inverse must be true as well.
people don’t hurt us. we hurt ourselves. think about it, what actions have people taken against you that have been painful? you’ve been stood up, you’ve been dumped, your phone calls have gone unanswered, you’ve been talked about behind your back, you’ve been left out from a party…the list goes on. we’ve all been slighted in these ways. and actually, the subtleties of slights and pains are such that it isn’t the big events that hurt the most, but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart. but if you look at all of those instances, big or small…you will realize that at the crux of these actions lies a similar motivation — the person who hurt you did not care about you or for you. this is the only explanation for why someone might act this way. and honestly, can you fault them? how can you fault someone for not liking you? for not caring about you? it’s not their fault! as much as we’d like to think we can, we can’t dictate who we like anymore than we can dictate the weather.
i’m not saying that you cannot take offense at these actions, just that it’s pointless to rail against someone who is thoughtless in regards to your feelings. we always make time for those things which are truly important to us, we can always find some way to accomplish those tasks to which we assign value — it’s a proven fact. whether the person who hurt you realizes it or not — they simply do not care for you.
you have chosen to befriend them, to perpetuate an unequal relationship, one in which you are more invested than the other party — to do this is to invite hurt. it’s akin to lying in the middle of a darkened road, waiting for a car to come speeding around the blind curve and turn you into tommorow’s roadkill. graphic? yes. but so is what we do to ourselves.
if you don’t care about someone, if they don’t have importance in your life… would you really care if they forget to call you back? or if they are an hour late to a movie with you and offer no good excuse? probably not…you’d be caught up in something else and their actions would barely register. caring about people is giving them a license to hurt us.
i’m willing to pardon infrequent acts of carelessness, so long as they are accompanied by an adequate apology (after all, we all care for ourselves the most, so occasional bouts of thoughtlessness regarding others, are to be expected). what i’m really against is condoning the slow drain of a non reciprocal relationship. i’m disgusted by people who refrain from questioning the tenor of a relationship and choose merely to reside within it, afraid of the answers their questions might reveal … the funny thing is…that’s how i behave anyways.
we really are our own worst (and, dare i say…only?) enemies. we hurt ourselves.
note: sorry if this doesn’t make much sense – i’m a little out of it right now. i’ll come back later and clean it up.