i live for hierarchy. for the belief that some things are better, stronger, deeper, truer – than others. i need to know that there is something out there that transcends the mundane meaninglessness of life. i need something that breaks up the bleak skyscape, a bolt of lightning that shatters the dark with hope. to know that there is validation for the euphoria which bubbles up inside of me for reasons unknown and at indeterminate times and inopportune moments. i need to believe that there is something out there. that love does exist, that soulmates are possible and that fulfillment is attainable. i want to know that hindsight is 20/20, that the startling conclusions we reach well after the fact, aren’t just another view, that they aren’t merely the same enlightenment viewed from a different vantage point. i need to believe that thoughts coalesce and form something clearer. i need to believe in progress. in movement, and that all running isn’t just stationary. i want to believe that i grow, not merely change. and that there is a goal, an end in mind. i need to know that life isn’t just about the journey, but that we’re going somewhere too. i want to know that i’m searching for something, and that there’s a possibility i will eventually find it.