have you ever made a mad dash for the train station and arrived winded, out of breath…only to witness the train pulling out of its temporary slumber and chugging off down the track without you? i don’t know about you, but the worst part of the whole experience isn’t so much the wasted effort and the near miss as it is the seemingly leaden speed of the locomotive: moving so slowly that it seems that if you only quickened your pace a hair, you would be able to catch it. yet you know intuitively that its apparent lack of speed is merely a figment of your imagination — nothing is as easy as it seems.
much like when we’re at the platform watching the train pull away without us on it. . .most of my relationships feel like they have been hit and miss. it’s as if we’re two bashful grade schoolers, surreptiously stealing glances at each other – and our looks are effectively woven together so as to maintain a relationship of sorts, but they’re never actually intercepted by either participant. every time i feel someone’s eyes upon me…i look up only to have them look guiltily away. the stolen glances count for something, but they aren’t quite enough.
we’re never in the right place at the right time. the situation is always less than ideal, the circumstances never perfect. it’s too warm, not warm enough. i’m early, they’re late. we’re in different time zones and the sun never quite shines at the same time.
the things i want never seem to speed away from me…rather they pass me by in such a fashion as to suggest that if i only closed my hands a little more tightly around them…they wouldn’t find it so easy to slip between my fingers.