sometimes it seems as though little ills are always befalling me. these incidents always make me seem younger than i really am. i lose my keys, my car breaks down, my class changes locations on me. once i even spring a leak in my gas tank and gradually slowed to a stop…smack dab in the middle of nowhere, where my cell phone, of course, had no signal.  but if i am hapless, i hope it is not my definitive quality.

i’d like to think that there’s something about me that encapsulates my essence more cleanly. i suppose it’s what happens during the lulls in conversation, when my gaze settles upon some unseen speck of atmosphere and i seem to be a million miles away from anywhere i’ve ever been before. suddenly, it’s as if my mind races off, trying to catch up to real time…and then i continue, right where i left off.

if i ever let you into those private moments, you might think i’m merely collecting my thoughts, in order to move forward in a logical progression. but it’s actually something else altogether…my thoughts are rapidly racing along two parallel tracks, one upon which i deal with and live in the present world, the other upon which i re-experience and mourn that which happened long ago. it is as though there are twin pulls being exerted upon me… my lightness pulls me into reverie, but my thoughful clumsiness tethers me to the ground — and as such, i sort of just bounce, touching and glancing from one extreme to the other.


5 thoughts on “

  1. I know exactly what you’re talking about. moments like those i have tried to capture many times through poetry. looks like you’re able to lasso that feeling in a few paragraphs. congrats.for me personally i think that that is usually bad memories from abusive experiences from way back when trying to surface. i’ve found that emotions such as pain, guilt, anger, and shame never ever just go away. no amount of time can erase these emotions ….find a confidant with a good listening ear. talk intimately and in detail about any and all troubling memories. be sure and emphasize how you felt during these times, and feel the relief overcome you. it always works for me.


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